Logan, Family ripples

Our outside pandemic Thanksgiving 2020. AJ & pregnant Amanda are socially distanced

Thursday, September 23, 2021

We are all lost. Trying to figure out what to do. Trying to work and honor our commitments to our employers, while at the same time they tell us ‘Do what you need to do to support your family.’ In the quiet of the day, perhaps in my truck, I think about Logan and Amanda and AJ, and start crying. The crying is less now, and so maybe I am a horrible person in that I am getting used to my beautiful grandson Logan being attacked by cancer.

But still, via social media and on the phone, we hear from family and well-wishers with their oh-so-kind written and spoken words. and their prayers. These kindnesses without fail cause me to well up.

I can tell you that Bridget’s, Jeff’s, and Kevin’s hearts ache for their brother and sister-in-law and nephew. Each of them is doing their part to support Amanda and AJ and Logan. Seeing my family care so much about each other makes my heart sing. And at the same time, I hate – absolutely hate – that we all are in the position of needing to rally together. So, we talk on the phone, cry together, and talk about ways in which we can help each other and Logan and Amanda and AJ.

I am afraid we are filling up their hospital room at Children’s with too much food. From the Beatty’s, the Harris’, other family and friends. But other than prayer, food is what we can do. When I asked if I could bring them coffee and breakfast this morning, AJ said “Yes, can you bring something healthy for breakfast?” In times like these, we all love comfort food. But at some point after days of it, ya just want a piece of fruit.

Griffin at the Zoo

Mimi, Big John and Griffin an the zoo.

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Donna watches Griffin on Wednesdays for Bridget and Connor. I decided that I wanted to take Griffin to the Dallas Zoo on Wednesday, so that’s what we did. It was absolutely gorgeous, sunny and in the 70’s. It was a great day, or at least while Griffin lasted, a great morning.

And I wanted Logan to be there with us. I felt guilty that we were at the zoo and he was not. You see, everything is now framed from the perspective of Logan and Austin and Amanda. Why are they not with us? Why is Logan not seeing the elephants and warthogs and feeding the giraffes? While we are at the zoo, Donna and I are completely present and enjoying it. It’s only when Griffin went home for the day that we reflect, and we KNOW that something is missing.

That is the insidious nature of a life-threatening disease. How do you carry 0n with those around us while your sweet grandson is in the fight of his life? Well for one, I am not going to allow the devil to win. And yes, I specifically refer to the devil, Satan. He is NOT going to manipulate me into a depression. He is not going to take the joy out of life. I am going to experience all the emotions that I need to experience, happy or sad, with my family and friends. I am here for Logan. I am here for Griffin. I am here for Amanda and AJ and Kevin and Jeff and Bridget and Connor and Donna and my Mom and Dad and the list goes on.

Fuck off, Satan. We are buying a zoo membership to take Griffin with his cousin Logan to the zoo, together, when Logan is well enough to join us.