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Logan: So Far, So Good

July 2022 Vacation: Jeff, Bridget holding Griffin, A.J. holding Logan, Kevin

Update at 3 months post-chemo

Logan’s three-month post-chemo blood test in mid-July confirmed remission. As I have written before, remission is as good as it gets. Early in July Logan swallowed his final antibiotic dose related to cancer treatment. So for now, no more meds, though monthly blood tests will continue, and our prayers are always that the leukemia stays away.

What this continued remission allowed was Logan and Amanda and Austin to join the family for a fun vacation in Austin. The results allowed Logan to swim in the pool and hang out with us all. Logan’s Uncle Kevin from Florida had never held Logan, and so this was a heart-warming milestone. The picture above shows our children and grandchildren during that vacation. Even though it was 106F and late in the day, all had big smiles including Griffin and Logan. It was hard to imagine the entire family being together like this while Logan’s leukemia was being treated amidst COVID. A vacation seemed so foreign during those months in the hospital.

What if…

We know that the story at this point could be much different. One evening earlier this summer I was helping Amanda hang curtain rods in their new home and she seemed quiet. I asked if she was OK, and Amanda shared that she had received an email from a parent she met in online cancer support groups. (The support that the ‘cancer kid’ parents supply to each other is awesome.) That parent had sent Amanda pictures of his little three-year-old daughter’s funeral. His daughter had the same leukemia type that Logan had, and her medical team was never able to get her into remission. How her diagnosis and treatment was different from Logan’s I do not know, but I can tell you this little girl’s story gave me pause and has me tearing up as I think of her.

Our trooper Logan during his hospital stay, March 2022

Play

What I saw during the family vacation was a super-sweet toddler finding his way among a kinda-large crowd of people, some unfamiliar. Donna and my four children and their significant others and the grandchildren were together. Watching Logan interact every day and play with his older cousin Griffin is what Donna and I were most anxious to see. Of course as has been previously noted, lots of precautions were in place during treatment to keep Logan safe. And those precautions kept the cousins apart during the chemo treatments. But this summer over the last couple of months, Logan and Griffin have had several play dates as parents and siblings A.J. and Bridget have been getting together over the summer. Prayers answered.

The above hospital picture of a forlorn-looking Logan was added mostly so we can all remember the impact that chemo treatment has on kids. Such a difference from the first picture, with Logan’s blonde hair and huge smile. Logan’s fight with leukemia has changed me. I will be a better family member, friend, neighbor or co-worker when I hear of a cancer diagnosis. I am embarrassed at how cavalierly I reacted to such news in the past, and that will change.

We cannot schedule a parade because of a three-month blood test. But what we can do is take the advice of a cliche and live each day that is given to us as if it were our last.

Logan Update & Griffin – Choosing

Logan on New Years Day FaceTime with Big John and Mimi

Update

Logan and Amanda and AJ are enjoying a wonderful & long New Year’s week break from the hospital. Discharged last Tuesday, the week is being spent at Amanda’s brother Chris’ and his wife Casey’s home. Round 3 of chemotherapy is complete, and round 4 begins Monday morning. Past the halfway mark on this cancer fighting journey, and the end is in sight! Casey and Chris are wonderful hosts and it is joyful for us to see the love that continues to surround Logan. Amanda’s parents Kim and Mike have been able to visit daily, making it a complete family fun time.

If you have seen any social media pics Logan is now, fully, walking. He was walking a bit – 10 steps or so – during his break between rounds 2 & 3, but now that he has been unleashed again from the 6 foot by 6 foot toddler-containing inflatable pool, Logan is clearly on a mission. Great to see!

Medical issues, of course, are a constant. Early during this week’s hospital break they received word that a blood test showed a too-high level of Logan’s antifungal. Back to the hospital they went, for an unscheduled blood test to validate the concern or deny it. Luckily the drug’s level dropped from the 5-times-higher-then-it-was-supposed-to-be to an acceptable level. The concern? This drug that is supposed to keep Logan from a fungal infection could harm his liver and/or kidneys if at too high a level. Remember this is serious business, and all drugs are poison at too high a level.

Amanda and AJ’s Home Build

Amanda and AJ’s home that is being built in Arlington is a parallel story to this cancer fight. They sold their previous home in Dallas quickly, and their new home is taking about a year to build. Before Logan’s diagnosis Kim and Mike were hosting the temporarily-homeless family in their Bedford home. Now every week AJ and Amanda receive house-build updates as walls go up, electrical is installed and windows enclose the structure. The completion of Logan’s cancer treatment may occur at just about the same time the home is ready. A really, really fresh start would be wonderful, post-chemotherapy in a new home.

Choosing

Griffin taking a glow-stick bath at Mimi & Big John’s home

Donna and I have not seen Logan in person for some time, as we made the decision to unquarantine for the Christmas holidays so we could celebrate with family and friends. I must tell you that this is harder than I thought it would be because we want to see both Logan and Griffin. We do not like choosing.

I know, know, there are many grandparents who because of distance or other reasons cannot see their grandchildren on a regular basis. But both these boys are here, in this town, minutes away. And whether we like it or not each time we choose to quarantine for Logan, Griffin is left out along other family and friends. And when we choose to unquarantine, Logan is left out. I find it agonizing, and yet I believe we are doing a pretty good job of it.

Balance

The Christmas season has been both joyful and unconventional. The Arboretum holiday lights were visited twice. Once with Amanda and AJ and Logan during their earlier break between rounds 2 & 3. And then later with Jeff, Alexis, Bridget, Connor and Griffin. The Dallas Zoo lights were also visited twice. 2021 was just not the year for large family holiday outings. And for us it was about more than the pandemic. Now, we all could not fit in a car together to see the zoo lights in one trip. But Donna and I could sure take grandsons together next year. (All the parents can go have a drink while Mimi and Big go to the zoo lights with the boys. Griffin and Logan have not been able to “be cousins” since treatment began.)

Amanda’s parents Kim and Mike are also balancing things as best they can. Kim helps her elderly parents a great deal, taking them to doctor’s appointments amongst other things. Over the Christmas holidays, Kim and Mike have been visiting with Logan and family. That meant they chose to not be with Kim’s parents. But now Kim and Mike need to unquarantine so that Kim can return to helping her parents.

Kim and Mike’s need to unquarantine prompted Donna and me to begin our quarantine last Tuesday. We both have COVID tests scheduled on Tuesday this week which will allow us to return to seeing Logan and Amanda and AJ. Choreography is needed so that we can all help – and most importantly keep Logan free from infection. I am grateful for Kim and Mike, and to Chris and Casey, for their wonderful support.

Please continue to keep Logan and his parents Amanda and AJ in your prayers as this journey continues. Happy New Year – we intend ours to be!

Christmas & Cancer & COVID

Christmas 2021 via FaceTime and windows – literally windows

Logan Update

Merry Christmas, though I am not all that merry. I woke up concerned for Logan as our FaceTime call last night had him fussy and not in a great mood. So as I begin to write this very early on Christmas morning, I am waiting for a call to see how he is feeling today. Teething could be the culprit. Or maybe his anti-fungal med called Vouri (spelling?) which causes him discomfort. (That med is transitioning to oral delivery as Logan’s discharge is anticipated soon. So this change may be impacting him.) Or maybe he along with Amanda and AJ are just tired of the hospital. Whatever the reason, he was not his normal happy self, so that concerns me.

Update: We received my morning FaceTime call on Christmas day, and Logan is doing well. Not quite awake, but certainly feeling better than last night. And so Big John is a bit merrier. Logan’s white blood cell count is still at zero, meaning a few more days in the hospital. We were all optimistic that Logan might have been out by Christmas because of his fast recovery after round 2. But the fact is the “typical” rebound after this 3rd chemo round would have him released mid-next week. So, things are as they are, and Logan will be released when he has an immune system to protect him.

COVID

Our tradition for years has been to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve. Sadly, Kevin remained in Florida this year as he just recovered from COVID. His girlfriend Sydney then got COVID, and so she is still feeling the effects. We shipped gifts and used FaceTime while we gathered in Texas last night. Recently I have heard of numerous others who have had COVID, and this surprises me. It took 18 months into a pandemic to hit close to home. My Uncle Mike and his daughter Erin have COVID running through their family. My nephew Mike is recovering from COVID, too.

The good news, I guess, is that vaccinated people typically do not end up in the hospital. My family members worked their way through the aches and pains and lethargy. And so it seems that we are figuring out how to deal with this COVID thing, which appears to be with us for the foreseeable future. Or maybe forever.

Surprise Guests – Through the Window

Amanda and AJ on the patio, joining us through the window

In the first photo, perhaps you missed that Amanda and AJ actually celebrated with us on Christmas Eve. The second photo has them enlarged, and AJ is clearly seen through the window, with Amanda on the left. So happy that they were able to join us. It was reminiscent of Thanksgiving 2020 which we celebrated in Bridget’s backyard. Glorious weather allowed an outside gathering, and Amanda and AJ sat at their own table as Amanda was soon due to deliver Logan. Social distancing was needed given, well, COVID. Glorious 80-degree weather again yesterday allowed similar participation through our side windows. I am grateful to Mike and Kim, Amanda’s parents, who watched Logan at the hospital during our gathering. Amanda and AJ’s diligence in social distancing has paid off, as Logan remains infection-free. Praying this continues.

Of course, we said grace before our meal. And grace came easy to me. Then I wanted to say a few words about looking forward to gathering together in the future, in the same room, all of us. And it took almost no time for me to choke up as I was speaking. My words were few, because what I said was all that I could get out of me without crying. While I remain grateful for our gathering, I miss those who could not join us.

Merry Christmas

Time to ask Spotify for Christmas songs. Because in the immortal words of Buddy the elf, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” That will make me merrier.

So, for all who are ill, or separated, or lonely, I do wish you a Merry Christmas. I pray that you find joy in the arrival of Christ today.

Logan – Father & Son

Facetime: Logan & AJ, Kevin, and Big John

Update on Logan’s Treatment

It looks like Logan and Amanda and AJ will be celebrating Christmas in the hospital this year. There was a small chance that Logan’s “numbers” might improve to allow a discharge for the holiday before the next chemo round. Two days in a row of growing numbers are needed. But his white blood cell count is still at zero as of this morning. So, the wait continues. Without white blood cells the risk of infection and inflammation are too great to allow Logan out of the hospital.

So FaceTime will be a big player on Christmas. It already has been keeping all of us in touch as you can see from the pic. That FaceTime call connected AJ & Logan at Children’s Hospital in Dallas, me in Irving, TX at work, and Kevin in Florida. Kevin is not joining us for Christmas this year as he is just recovering from COVID.

Lyrics from Yusuf/Cat Stevens

“It’s not time to make a change. Just relax, take it slowly. You’re still young, that’s your fault. There’s so much you have to go through. Find a girl, settle down. If you want you can marry. Look at me, I am old, but I’m happy.”

It is just a beautiful song. When I was younger I did not appreciate Cat Stevens’ music, but if you look on my Spotify account his songs are high in my rotation. This song describes an exchange between a father and a son as the father cannot understand that his son needs to break away and find a new life. Do what I did” the father advises his son, while the son is looking to break away.

Text Exchange

What does this have to do with Logan? Some context: Sleep has been the most difficult aspect of the hospital stay for Logan and Amanda and AJ. The comings and goings of the staff, the treatment, the lights, the noises all conspire against a full night’s sleep. Amanda and AJ are forced to be creative about how to get Logan to sleep and how to sleep themselves. Music is a part of this.

I received a text one recent evening from AJ:

“It was a mistake to sing Logan Father and Son. I got to the lyric “there’s so much you have to go through” and just started crying. Good news is Logan is still sound asleep on me”

My reply:

“It’s a great song with meaningful lyrics. And all of us do need to go through a lot. Logan sooner than most of us. You and Amanda are right now going through a lot. Together. Emotions are good to experience. That you are singing to your sleeping son, soothing him to sleep, well, that’s what makes me cry happy tears.”

The pride that I have in AJ is immense. He is really the epitome of a good man, and he and Amanda are great partners during Logan’s treatment. Logan is blessed to have them both.

Logan – Chemo Round 2

A Halloween visit: Logan, Alexis, Uncle Jeff, Amanda & AJ

My grandson Logan has returned to Children’s Hospital in Dallas for his second round of chemotherapy. Today was his first full day back at the hospital after being admitted yesterday afternoon. Logan’s appointment yesterday morning included checking his blood to make sure that it had recovered enough to start the second round. It had as expected. The long journey continues, with multiple rounds of chemotherapy and multiple months. Yes, Logan’s remission after Round 1 is the best news possible. And now the chemo treatments go on as the medical protocol demands

Respite from the hospital

Logan’s, Amanda’s and AJ’s 5-day visit with me and Donna between chemo rounds 1 & 2 was both wonderful and exhausting for all. It was so good to see them and to do what we could to help. Logan was a joy with his exuberant giggling and free rein of the house.

And Logan’s care was a challenge with his feeding tube. You see, he’s just a baby. Logan neither understands nor really knows that he has a tube threaded through his nose and into his stomach. So inadvertently he can catch the tube while rubbing his nose or face and pull it out. He did it at the hospital, and managed to partially do so while visiting us. (Amanda and Donna pushed the tube back where it belonged.) That tactic of letting babies cry themselves to sleep? Nope, does not work for Logan. Any time he cried at night or waking up from a nap, an adult needed to be there to avoid a tube-pulling episode. Let’s just say sleep was disrupted. But sleep was disrupted no more than what Amanda and AJ experienced by themselves all those days at the hospital. They are awesome.

Visitors

Family visits were welcomed while Logan and Amanda and AJ were with me and Donna. Amanda’s parents Kimberly and Mike, and Amanda’s brother Chris and wife Casey visited inside our home. They have been able to quarantine and were helping at the hospital towards the end of the first round of chemo. Other family members such as our son Jeff and his girlfriend Alexis in the picture above sat and chatted through the front storm door. Our daughter Aunt Bridget did the same, as did Donna’s sister Becky. And Uncle Kevin in Florida was a regular FaceTime call. Everyone was happy to reconnect in whatever safe way was available.

The rhythm of daily chemo returns. I rocked Logan throughout his visit. Each time I thought of the challenge he is facing at such a young age, and his strength, and his joy. His little body is being poisoned again to save him. Your continued prayers are needed and requested.

Logan, Chemo

Kevin and me dropping off coffee this morning to AJ at Children’s

Logan’s chemo treatments started Thursday evening and will last through Oct 3. At that point his immune system will be nonexistent. Then a couple more weeks will be spent in isolation at the hospital to allow his white blood cells to regenerate. After maybe two or three days at home, the cycle will repeat itself several times more. A long road, this is.

Yet when you see Logan on FaceTime, he looks great. One doctor who visited remarked, “You would never know that Logan is sick.” So I pray that Logan continues to tolerate the treatments.

Necessary care means that throughout the night, nurses visit to monitor Logan’s vitals and to make sure his diaper is changed. Apparently the chemo drugs are excreted through urine and bowel movements. And so it is important to keep the diapers as clean as possible. The hard-fought ‘sleeping through the night’ is a thing of the past. Logan’s care wakes up all three of them throughout the night, and AJ remarked this morning that the night cadence is similar to when Logan was newborn. So Amanda and AJ are tired. I pray for Amanda’s and AJ’s well-being as they accompany Logan in this fight, as it is just beginning.

A visit to the hospital looks like the pic above. Hugs are ‘no bueno’ with the start of chemo. We social distance, and we wear masks. There is a 5- or 10-minute conversation along with the drop off of coffee. Maybe we pick up dirty laundry or return clean clothing. Whatever it takes, we are there. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and good wishes.

Logan, Family ripples

Our outside pandemic Thanksgiving 2020. AJ & pregnant Amanda are socially distanced

Thursday, September 23, 2021

We are all lost. Trying to figure out what to do. Trying to work and honor our commitments to our employers, while at the same time they tell us ‘Do what you need to do to support your family.’ In the quiet of the day, perhaps in my truck, I think about Logan and Amanda and AJ, and start crying. The crying is less now, and so maybe I am a horrible person in that I am getting used to my beautiful grandson Logan being attacked by cancer.

But still, via social media and on the phone, we hear from family and well-wishers with their oh-so-kind written and spoken words. and their prayers. These kindnesses without fail cause me to well up.

I can tell you that Bridget’s, Jeff’s, and Kevin’s hearts ache for their brother and sister-in-law and nephew. Each of them is doing their part to support Amanda and AJ and Logan. Seeing my family care so much about each other makes my heart sing. And at the same time, I hate – absolutely hate – that we all are in the position of needing to rally together. So, we talk on the phone, cry together, and talk about ways in which we can help each other and Logan and Amanda and AJ.

I am afraid we are filling up their hospital room at Children’s with too much food. From the Beatty’s, the Harris’, other family and friends. But other than prayer, food is what we can do. When I asked if I could bring them coffee and breakfast this morning, AJ said “Yes, can you bring something healthy for breakfast?” In times like these, we all love comfort food. But at some point after days of it, ya just want a piece of fruit.

What’s your name?

For my Mom and Dad’s 70th anniversary, my sons Kevin and Jeff decided to surprise them by travelling to Chicago for the weekend. Certainly the distance limits how often we are able to visit, but the pandemic stopped all the visits. So Kevin and Jeff have not had the chance to see their grandparents in person for a couple of years. Watching them talk brought me great joy.

After Jeff and Kevin left the first night to hang out with cousins Tom and Mike, my Dad said to me, “I think I asked Jeff his name.” Then he followed up with, “Jeff must think I am an idiot.” I assured my Dad that that was not the case.

I texted Jeff, and his response was, “Yeah, Grandpa did ask. First he asked what my name was and I said ‘Jeff.’ And then Grandpa asked ‘Jeff who?’ I thought he was messing with me, but I answered ‘Beatty.’ It surprised me. I could have handled it better.”

Know that my parent’s minds are in great shape, and yet when you are in your 90’s you now and then forget things. (I forget things right now. ) Also know that Jeff thought his Grandpa was messing with him, well, because his Grandpa would sometimes mess with people – joke around with them. That this misunderstanding took place was really fantastic to me. It acknowledges who each of them was and is. It shows the reality and uncertainty of aging. And it is an example of the grace that people can show each other as things change.

And when they met again the next day, they each greeted the other with, “Hi, Mr. Beatty.” Perfect.

A Gathering of the Vaccinated

An outside gathering for John (red check) and Mary’s (blue striped sweater) 70th Anniversary

My parent’s joy beamed from their faces as guests arrived for what started as a small informal dinner to celebrate their 70th Anniversary. Nineteen attended, most expected, but some including me from Texas and sons Kevin and Jeff were surprises. Seeing my Mom’s mouth agape when Kevin (Florida) and Jeff (Texas) walked into their home – priceless. Just I loved seeing cousins and other family members who we just have not seen in, let’s say, a pandemic.

And there it is, a pandemic. The pandemic that scuttled a 90th birthday party last year for my Mom that would have gathered the entire family, keeps us at a distance, and has us worried for our lives. And even with all the vaccinations, there is still the feeling that maybe the gathering wasn’t so smart. Why put us all at risk, even a lessened risk with our vaccinations? Maybe the answer is joy, connection, and love. For me, I hope God graces me with many more years for that joy. For Mom and Dad, their joy was palpable yesterday, and for that I am very happy.

First Day of School, 1995

The first pile of polaroids that I picked up to scan were from 1995 and 1996, and this is appropriate to show with 2021 school just recently started. The boys headed to school in Waukesha, WI. Bridget just wanted to be in the picture. We had recently moved from Racine to Waukesha to a home that could house us.

In the background hangs a sign that says “Watermelon 5 cents.” That very sign hangs outside our Texas home right now in 2021, 26 years later. So for as much stuff that I claim to throw or give away, some linger on.

These maskless first-day photos are a stark contrast from photos this year and last. The school kids really are feeling the burden of the pandemic, and I pray that we get back to whatever normal is going to be, for their sake.