Donna Archives - Page 3 of 3 -

Logan, Mimi & Big John at the Hospital

Logan, Donna and John hanging out at Children’s Hospital

Donna and I were so happy to visit the hospital today and play with Logan. He is doing great as you can see from the picture. He was laughing and giggling and was just a joy to be around. Donna wore him out this morning and he crashed, and I wore him out in the afternoon and he crashed. It’s 8pm as I write this, and Donna and I are about to crash. It’s hard work playing with a 10-month-old, at least for 60-somethings.

We have been preparing for a visit from Logan and Amanda and AJ between chemo rounds once Logan’s blood work improves as it needs to. And it is on its way there. But given that prep, we are now in a position to relieve the dedicated and loving parents at the hospital. Today was our first chance.

We have been quarantined since Oct 6. Seasonal flu shots, check. COVID boosters, check. Even though we do not meet the 65 minimum age for the current booster effort, we do have these extenuating circumstances that drove the booster. For me who was in the Pfizer booster study, that meant being “unblinded” and told that I really only received the placebo a couple months ago. Pfizer unblinded all participants in the study who requested it – in the nick of time for me and my needs. I received my booster last week.

Of course, quarantine is familiar to us all from our pandemic experience. But it’s a bit different this time around because we are quarantined and most others are not. Typical visits with friends and family including our precious grandson Griffin have stopped. We miss seeing everyone.

Difficult. Worth it.

Griffin & Joy & Anguish

Mimi (Donna) and Woody (Griffin) at the Arboretum

I continue to struggle with the juxtaposition of anguish and joy. These emotions are at different extremes and I am experiencing them seemingly on top of each other. How does one balance these?

I experienced joy with Donna and Griffin after once again inserting myself into their Wednesday this week. Since it was a glorious Fall day, we visited the Dallas Arboretum. Griffin was in his cute little Woody costume, fighting against wearing the cowboy hat the entire visit, and picking up little pumpkins along the way. Then we found the Children’s area with water features and fountains. And since we are grandparents, off came his shoes and he proceeded to become completely soaked, playing in the dancing water streams with the other kids. That is joy, for both Griffin and me and Donna.

After dropping off Griffin, we came home and I started longing for our FaceTime call from Amanda and AJ and Logan. We just must see them and talk to them daily. We want to know how their day was, how they are doing – good or bad. And sometimes – maybe more often than not right now – the day has been difficult. Watching my family struggle with such challenging circumstances and difficult decisions fills me with anguish. But that anguish does not cause me to look away. I want to be with them, and I want to hear. And you know what? When Logan smiles at us, the joy busts through the screen.

Joy and anguish are coming at me – us – right now, at their speed and not ours. I say ‘bring it on’ – as if I have some control over them. Please Lord, allow me to both appreciate the joy and lean into the anguish.

Griffin at the State Fair

Wednesdays are Donna’s – Mimi’s – day with Griffin. Yesterday marked two weeks in row in which I inserted myself into Mimi and Griffin’s time together. Last week it was the Zoo, and this week the Texas State Fair. We had a great time, the highlight of which was the petting zoo where you can feed the goats, emu’s, llama’s – you get the idea. And the camel. The camel was the best. With Griffin only 18 months old, we arrived at the fair when it opened at 10am, and were out the gates at Noon when he got tired. Super fun. And then I was able to work that afternoon from home.

Why is it that taking time from work like that has rarely occurred to me? I work for a great company and a great boss and so the flexibility exists to do what you need to do for your family. For sure I go to doctor and dentist and such. But the State Fair? Not an option. Maybe I consider these as things I want to do with my family rather than need to do. And now only few short weeks into Logan’s battle with cancer my viewpoint has changed, at least a little. I still feel the drive to do right by my company, to earn my keep. And now I also I feel a huge drive to feed the animals with my grandsons.

Logan, Bone Marrow

Donna and me at a pre-pandemic “Light the Night” walk

It is unknown whether or not Logan will need a bone marrow donation. The need is dependent on how his little body responds after the chemotherapy. But Logan might need bone marrow. And I know that right now there are many blood cancer patients who are looking for that life-saving gift. Many have asked me what they can do to help Logan, and my answer now is going to be, ‘Please register as a bone marrow donor.’ If you are between 18 and 55 years old, you could match.

It turns out it is “Swabtember,” an action month designed to encourage people to register as potential bone marrow donors. In fact, if you are attending the Texas Rangers baseball game the evening of Tuesday, Sep 28, you can register as a potential bone marrow donor on the suite level in left-field. I know, last minute; no time like the present! And Major League Soccer features September as “Kick Childhood Cancer Month.” On Wednesday, Sep 29, FC Dallas plays in the Kick Childhood Cancer match at Toyota Stadium. The point of this is that there are events that support the fight against leukemia and other cancers. Please take advantage of them.

Donna and I have walked in several pre-pandemic Leukemia & Lymphoma Society “Light the Night” walks. My company was a sponsor of those walks, and we walked in honor of our friend Gary who died from leukemia decades ago. I can still remember talking with Gary as he was going through treatment, very difficult treatment. Much has changed in fighting these cancers since then, giving us all confidence that research over the years will put Logan in remission and keep him there.

Logan, Family ripples

Our outside pandemic Thanksgiving 2020. AJ & pregnant Amanda are socially distanced

Thursday, September 23, 2021

We are all lost. Trying to figure out what to do. Trying to work and honor our commitments to our employers, while at the same time they tell us ‘Do what you need to do to support your family.’ In the quiet of the day, perhaps in my truck, I think about Logan and Amanda and AJ, and start crying. The crying is less now, and so maybe I am a horrible person in that I am getting used to my beautiful grandson Logan being attacked by cancer.

But still, via social media and on the phone, we hear from family and well-wishers with their oh-so-kind written and spoken words. and their prayers. These kindnesses without fail cause me to well up.

I can tell you that Bridget’s, Jeff’s, and Kevin’s hearts ache for their brother and sister-in-law and nephew. Each of them is doing their part to support Amanda and AJ and Logan. Seeing my family care so much about each other makes my heart sing. And at the same time, I hate – absolutely hate – that we all are in the position of needing to rally together. So, we talk on the phone, cry together, and talk about ways in which we can help each other and Logan and Amanda and AJ.

I am afraid we are filling up their hospital room at Children’s with too much food. From the Beatty’s, the Harris’, other family and friends. But other than prayer, food is what we can do. When I asked if I could bring them coffee and breakfast this morning, AJ said “Yes, can you bring something healthy for breakfast?” In times like these, we all love comfort food. But at some point after days of it, ya just want a piece of fruit.