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Logan, Halfway thru Round 1

Logan & Amanda today, halfway through chemo round 1

So far so good. In this long journey of multiple chemotherapy rounds, Logan is on day 6 of 10 in round 1. The number of drugs is decreased, and the daily rhythm of twice-daily infusions continues through Sunday. Then Logan’s immune system will be non-existent. About seventeen days later, we hope that his immune system will have recovered to the point that they all can leave the hospital for a few days. Then, round 2 begins.

As you can see from the photo of Logan and Amanda, Logan looks great. The whale bandana Logan is wearing is dual purpose. To catch drool as Logan is cutting teeth, and as an additional barrier to Logan trying to mess around with the central line in his chest. He is eating normally and is his normal happy little self, for which we are all very grateful. The chemo drugs are not having significant side effects. When I asked AJ about that he said that kids seem to do pretty well with the treatment. Thank you, Jesus!

Our lifeline continues to be FaceTime. The objective is always to get Logan to smile at Big John and Mimi, and he never disappoints.

Logan, Bone Marrow

Donna and me at a pre-pandemic “Light the Night” walk

It is unknown whether or not Logan will need a bone marrow donation. The need is dependent on how his little body responds after the chemotherapy. But Logan might need bone marrow. And I know that right now there are many blood cancer patients who are looking for that life-saving gift. Many have asked me what they can do to help Logan, and my answer now is going to be, ‘Please register as a bone marrow donor.’ If you are between 18 and 55 years old, you could match.

It turns out it is “Swabtember,” an action month designed to encourage people to register as potential bone marrow donors. In fact, if you are attending the Texas Rangers baseball game the evening of Tuesday, Sep 28, you can register as a potential bone marrow donor on the suite level in left-field. I know, last minute; no time like the present! And Major League Soccer features September as “Kick Childhood Cancer Month.” On Wednesday, Sep 29, FC Dallas plays in the Kick Childhood Cancer match at Toyota Stadium. The point of this is that there are events that support the fight against leukemia and other cancers. Please take advantage of them.

Donna and I have walked in several pre-pandemic Leukemia & Lymphoma Society “Light the Night” walks. My company was a sponsor of those walks, and we walked in honor of our friend Gary who died from leukemia decades ago. I can still remember talking with Gary as he was going through treatment, very difficult treatment. Much has changed in fighting these cancers since then, giving us all confidence that research over the years will put Logan in remission and keep him there.

Logan, Chemo

Kevin and me dropping off coffee this morning to AJ at Children’s

Logan’s chemo treatments started Thursday evening and will last through Oct 3. At that point his immune system will be nonexistent. Then a couple more weeks will be spent in isolation at the hospital to allow his white blood cells to regenerate. After maybe two or three days at home, the cycle will repeat itself several times more. A long road, this is.

Yet when you see Logan on FaceTime, he looks great. One doctor who visited remarked, “You would never know that Logan is sick.” So I pray that Logan continues to tolerate the treatments.

Necessary care means that throughout the night, nurses visit to monitor Logan’s vitals and to make sure his diaper is changed. Apparently the chemo drugs are excreted through urine and bowel movements. And so it is important to keep the diapers as clean as possible. The hard-fought ‘sleeping through the night’ is a thing of the past. Logan’s care wakes up all three of them throughout the night, and AJ remarked this morning that the night cadence is similar to when Logan was newborn. So Amanda and AJ are tired. I pray for Amanda’s and AJ’s well-being as they accompany Logan in this fight, as it is just beginning.

A visit to the hospital looks like the pic above. Hugs are ‘no bueno’ with the start of chemo. We social distance, and we wear masks. There is a 5- or 10-minute conversation along with the drop off of coffee. Maybe we pick up dirty laundry or return clean clothing. Whatever it takes, we are there. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and good wishes.

Logan, Family ripples

Our outside pandemic Thanksgiving 2020. AJ & pregnant Amanda are socially distanced

Thursday, September 23, 2021

We are all lost. Trying to figure out what to do. Trying to work and honor our commitments to our employers, while at the same time they tell us ‘Do what you need to do to support your family.’ In the quiet of the day, perhaps in my truck, I think about Logan and Amanda and AJ, and start crying. The crying is less now, and so maybe I am a horrible person in that I am getting used to my beautiful grandson Logan being attacked by cancer.

But still, via social media and on the phone, we hear from family and well-wishers with their oh-so-kind written and spoken words. and their prayers. These kindnesses without fail cause me to well up.

I can tell you that Bridget’s, Jeff’s, and Kevin’s hearts ache for their brother and sister-in-law and nephew. Each of them is doing their part to support Amanda and AJ and Logan. Seeing my family care so much about each other makes my heart sing. And at the same time, I hate – absolutely hate – that we all are in the position of needing to rally together. So, we talk on the phone, cry together, and talk about ways in which we can help each other and Logan and Amanda and AJ.

I am afraid we are filling up their hospital room at Children’s with too much food. From the Beatty’s, the Harris’, other family and friends. But other than prayer, food is what we can do. When I asked if I could bring them coffee and breakfast this morning, AJ said “Yes, can you bring something healthy for breakfast?” In times like these, we all love comfort food. But at some point after days of it, ya just want a piece of fruit.

Griffin at the Zoo

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Donna watches Griffin on Wednesdays for Bridget and Connor. I decided that I wanted to take Griffin to the Dallas Zoo on Wednesday, so that’s what we did. It was absolutely gorgeous, sunny and in the 70’s. It was a great day, or at least while Griffin lasted, a great morning.

And I wanted Logan to be there with us. I felt guilty that we were at the zoo and he was not. You see, everything is now framed from the perspective of Logan and Austin and Amanda. Why are they not with us? Why is Logan not seeing the elephants and warthogs and feeding the giraffes? While we are at the zoo, Donna and I are completely present and enjoying it. It’s only when Griffin went home for the day that we reflect, and we KNOW that something is missing.

That is the insidious nature of a life-threatening disease. How do you carry 0n with those around us while your sweet grandson is in the fight of his life? Well for one, I am not going to allow the devil to win. And yes, I specifically refer to the devil, Satan. He is NOT going to manipulate me into a depression. He is not going to take the joy out of life. I am going to experience all the emotions that I need to experience, happy or sad, with my family and friends. I am here for Logan. I am here for Griffin. I am here for Amanda and AJ and Kevin and Jeff and Bridget and Connor and Donna and my Mom and Dad and the list goes on.

Fuck off, Satan. We are buying a zoo membership to take Griffin with his cousin Logan to the zoo, together, when Logan is well enough to join us.

Logan – Treatment Options

Mimi and Big John and newborn Logan at home last Dec 2020

Tuesday, Sep 21, 2021

The diagnosis continues. Logan appears to have a rare form of leukemia with only about 100 cases in the last 15 years. Chemo has not yet begun, because the medical team is determined to provide the absolute best treatment, and the treatment depends on the diagnosis. Given the leukemia strain’s apparent rarity, consults with other doctors are in process and take a little time. Focus is on getting it right.

I am anxious to have the medical teams start attacking and killing the cancer, but I know what that means. Poisoning this precious young boy. Logan will not know what is happening, and his parents Amanda and AJ will do their best to comfort him and love him through it all. And we are here to comfort and love them through it all.

Wednesday, Sep 22, 2021

Hmmmm. Still waiting. The doctors are being super careful to identify the proper drugs and timing to not only get Logan into remission, but also to keep him in remission. The treatment decisions now are critical to the remission success. That means that leukemia variants need to be tested for and eliminated. And because Logan’s cancer seems rare, there are only a few machines in the country which can properly test it for variants. Machine reading is then weighed against a human pathologist’s reading of the slide. The “art” part of medicine is in play here. So we wait, so the doctors can do their absolute best for him.

This does not mean that I am patient. On the contrary, I am an impatient person to start, and so this delay is maddening. Necessary, but maddening. Let’s get on with it.

Logan – Waiting

Logan and AJ on FaceTime with Big John from the hospital

Sunday, September 19, 2021

Results of Logan’s bone marrow and spinal procedures on Friday (Sep 17) are promising. However, treatment is waiting on confirming the type of leukemia that needs to be treated, and that requires a review by pathologists on Monday. That means today is a day of hold, a day of waiting, a day of prayer.

News of Logan’s disease is now being spread. To extended family, friends and workers. The love that is coming back in return is so genuine and heartwarming that it cannot help but lift spirits. I need AJ and Amanda to know that so many people are praying for them and Logan that God is hearing those prayers in stereo. Prayers for their strength. For the skill and compassion of the medical team. For healing.

I so appreciate the prayers but let me tell you I am angry. Angry at God that these prayers are needed at all. Logan is so little. Can someone explain to me why a 9-month-old has cancer? So, I am in the position of both being angry at God and praying to him. Nope, does not make sense. And yet, there it is. I wish I were a better Catholic and understood scripture better and could have some sort of theological explanation for this.

And so while my faith is being tested, technology is helping. FaceTime is our connection right now. This technology brought people together during the pandemic and is now allowing us to see and hear Logan and AJ and Amanda. For both our grandsons Griffin and Logan, they know what a FaceTime call sounds like. They grew up with it. When dialed, they both expect there to be a familiar face on the other end, and we do our best to answer so that we can see their smile. When either Griffin or Logan sees me or Donna through FaceTime and smiles, well, it is just the best. For now, I’ll take FaceTime, while I hope soon to be on the floor with Logan playing again.

Logan has Leukemia

Big John with Logan as he arrived home for the first time in Dec 2020

Saturday, September 19, 2021

Our sweet grandson Logan has leukemia. Son Austin (AJ) and his wife Amanda took him to Children’s Hospital on Thursday morning for follow-up blood tests. At the time, the chances of cancer were 10%. By the afternoon, it was 90%, they were staying overnight, and a caring nurse told them, ‘Look, this is leukemia; prepare yourselves.’ They have not left the hospital except for picking up packages and food from family. AJ and Amanda are just wonderful as they begin this journey together.

It started as maybe anemia. Or ITP (low platelets). Logan’s unusual blood results from his 9-month checkup peaked his pediatrician’s interest, as did the bruises on his legs. Thank God that this doctor was skilled, paid attention, and ordered more tests. Sooner diagnosis is certainly better than later.

Last Friday (Sep 20) Logan had surgery to insert a central line, bone marrow biopsy, and spinal fluid draw. It is now Saturday, and the results appear to show that he has AML but does not have ALL. Doctors are testing for variants of AML so the chemo drugs can be most effective. I knew very little about Leukemia, but I am learning.

What I do know is that I am now randomly crying/sobbing. When I am shaving, or driving, or simply walking around the house. When I try to say the words “My grandson Logan has Leukemia,” I choke up, cannot finish the sentence and start crying. When I write the words, tears roll down my cheeks. Please say a prayer for Logan and Amanda and AJ. They desperately need them and want them.

(PS: I have not posted for a while, but I have been writing. I have permission from Amanda and AJ to share my posts. I am adding a byline date for any blog posts from past days. )

O’Grady Cousins

O’Grady 50th Anniversary, June 1979- the grainy cousin pic

In a previous post, I mentioned that I was part of a large extended family. Here are most of my O’Grady cousins gathered for my Grandparent’s 50th. Remember this does not include my cousins on my Dad’s side, and I am looking for a picture of that crowd. I recall the many gatherings to celebrate Baptisms, First Communions, and Confirmations with potato salad, soda bread, and cake. Usually a poker game broke out.

How I wish there is a better picture! Please send me one if you have it… My brother Joe was consulted to see if we could get all the names right, and I am ready to be corrected. Last name = O’Grady unless they are my siblings or it is noted.

Front of table: sister Cathy, sister Terry, me, Shawn, Peggy Crotty, Beth

Back of table: Scott, Bernie, Jim McMullen, Mike McMullen, Patty, Henry, Ray, Erin, Mike, Grandma, Eddie Crotty, Bernie Crotty, Grandpa, Leslie, Mary Jo Crotty, unknown (to me) religious Sister, Bridget McMullen, Ami, Patrick, brother Jim, Chris with Joe, Jay, brother Joe. As we got older it is easier to identify everyone, and I am concerned I don’t have the three girls between Mary Jo and Patrick correct. One could be Mollie – sorry!

What’s your name?

For my Mom and Dad’s 70th anniversary, my sons Kevin and Jeff decided to surprise them by travelling to Chicago for the weekend. Certainly the distance limits how often we are able to visit, but the pandemic stopped all the visits. So Kevin and Jeff have not had the chance to see their grandparents in person for a couple of years. Watching them talk brought me great joy.

After Jeff and Kevin left the first night to hang out with cousins Tom and Mike, my Dad said to me, “I think I asked Jeff his name.” Then he followed up with, “Jeff must think I am an idiot.” I assured my Dad that that was not the case.

I texted Jeff, and his response was, “Yeah, Grandpa did ask. First he asked what my name was and I said ‘Jeff.’ And then Grandpa asked ‘Jeff who?’ I thought he was messing with me, but I answered ‘Beatty.’ It surprised me. I could have handled it better.”

Know that my parent’s minds are in great shape, and yet when you are in your 90’s you now and then forget things. (I forget things right now. ) Also know that Jeff thought his Grandpa was messing with him, well, because his Grandpa would sometimes mess with people – joke around with them. That this misunderstanding took place was really fantastic to me. It acknowledges who each of them was and is. It shows the reality and uncertainty of aging. And it is an example of the grace that people can show each other as things change.

And when they met again the next day, they each greeted the other with, “Hi, Mr. Beatty.” Perfect.